When I was a hospital executive, each year I would wait with anticipation for the annual employee engagement survey process to begin. The responses were a critical measure of the internal views of the organization and were critical to forming strategies to improve the culture and work environment. Each cycle’s results were communicated to staff in e-mails, department meetings, and town hall meetings. Without exception, the most common question from staff in these sessions was “Why do they ask us if we have a best friend at work?” Unlike the other dozen or so questions on the survey, this question seemed to employees to be irrelevant to the factors that define work satisfaction. They would have been okay if the question were “Do you have a friend at work” but when the word “best” was added, it just seemed weird. The staff wondered why that was our business. The leadership team always anticipated this feedback because the third-party surveyor, Gallup, had years of experience dealing with the “best friend” question and knew that it was consistently the most puzzling element of the survey. Based on Gallup’s extensive data analysis over many years, the best friend question was the most reliable predictor of high work engagement. Some studies even show a seven-fold greater likelihood of high engagement if that question is answered as a “5” (the highest rating). Because of the significant difference in correlation between the importance of “friend” and “best friend” Gallup persists in using the term “best” in their surveys. 

The continued use of this type of questioning may be getting more and more uncomfortable for survey takers because, in the view of the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, America is in the middle of a worsening loneliness health epidemic. Dr. Murthy issued a comprehensive report in 2023 that documents the decline in social connections, with a special focus on how it affects our health. Some of the data is alarming, for example, the finding that “loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of premature death by 26 % and 29 %, respectively.” To put it another way, this has the same effect as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Additionally, Cigna has estimated that loneliness is costing companies $154 billion a year due to absenteeism alone.  

Many recent studies have reaffirmed the importance of close friendship in life and in work. A global study by the International Social Survey Program (ISSP) determined that interpersonal relationships “have a sizeable and significant positive effect on the job satisfaction of the average employee. [Relationships] rank first out of our 12 domains of workplace quality in terms of power to explain variation in job satisfaction.” Of the 12 domains in this study, 3 stood out in importance: Interpersonal Relationships, Interesting Work, and Pay. But, to (incorrectly) paraphrase the Apostle Paul, the greatest of these is Interpersonal Relationships.  

An important finding of the ISSP study was that within the Interpersonal Relationship domain there are three essential elements that drive the response: contact with other people in general; relationship with management; and the relationship with co-workers. The most crucial factor of these three being the relationship with management (twice as important as the relationship with co-workers). Gallup also confirms the importance of management/employee relationships with their finding that 50 % of US adults who left their jobs did so to get away from their manager.  

On the subject of friendships with co-workers, a Harvard Business Review article notes a study that confirms the reasons why close friendships at work increase productivity: friends are more committed, communicate better, and encourage each other.  

Even prior to the Covid-19 pandemic there were significant signs that Americans were becoming increasingly isolated, which has only worsened since the pandemic. In 1990 sixty-three percent of respondents of a survey said they have five or more close friends. In 2021 that number had shrunk to thirty-eight percent. And in 2021, twelve percent of respondents said they have no close friends. There is no doubt that the loneliness factor is a significant problem facing employers across the country – so what can be done?  

Since the most important relationship for employees is the one with their manager, leaders need to first address any concerns affecting this dynamic. Danger signs in this area can typically be very complex and vary by leader, so this article will not attempt to address it specifically here.  

An insightful article by Gianpiero Petriglieri in MIT Sloan Management Review relays a valuable illustration of how leaders should approach encouraging workplace relationships between employees. “Friendship is a natural product of our species’ fundamental need and desire to belong. And friendship is an accomplishment. . . Both aspects of friendship remind me of the olive trees of my ancestral countryside that grow in sunstruck soil, take years to bear fruit, and, when mature, provide shade and joy. . . You can’t build one of those. But you can cultivate one, if you care.” This philosophy recognizes that the best approach is not to try to force the issue but rather to create favorable environments for friendships to blossom and grow.  

The issue of loneliness and lack of belonging is most acute for remote workers. For those who are leading people in this environment, it is crucial to find opportunities to get people together in person. A recent AP article tells the story of a 52-year-old worker at the time of a career change during the height of the pandemic. The employee, Karen Piatt, states “It’s the first time in my 25-year career that I was hired for a job without meeting the hiring manager in person. It was nearly two years until I met my colleagues face-to-face.” When she finally met them, she was struck by how special it was and how it strengthened their work ties. I have recently witnessed something very similar when my youngest son, Chase, traveled from his home in Knoxville to the Wake Forest campus in Winston-Salem to walk for the graduation ceremony of his recently earned master’s degree. His entire program was completed via distance learning and he and his fellow classmates were meeting each other and their professors in person for the first time after two years. It was evident that it was a very special occasion for these colleagues who had previously only known each other through a laptop screen as they got to hug one another and reminisce about their journey together.  

Many employers that have hybrid work environments today tend to overwhelm their staff with meetings on the few occasions when there are common office days. Some recent studies claim that Americans have tripled their time in meetings since 2020 due to the ease of scheduling Zoom-type meetings as compared to in-person meetings. Meetings do not tend to improve the feeling of isolation but can exacerbate it. Leaders should be intentional to ensure that in-office days are not dedicated strictly to meetings, but allow some unstructured time for casual, ad hoc get togethers – the proverbial water cooler conversations. Leaders also need to model more socially beneficial behaviors by communicating face-to-face more and by e-mail less.  

Especially for new employees, assigning a preceptor (or buddy) can be very beneficial in integrating someone into the social fabric of an organization. While this “buddy” may not become the best friend of the new employee (that’s not their purpose) they can help the employee navigate the flow of the organization, suggest people they should meet, make introductions, etc.  

Lastly, employees and leaders alike should not fear making friends at work. Sometimes for leaders there is a legitimate concern of appearing to give preferential treatment or show favoritism. However, there are ways to show warmth and connection without crossing the lines that signal favoritism to others. Often trying to be awkwardly discreet about a friendship with an employee can do more harm than simply being open. Maintaining closeness and professionalism can be achieved. A tried-and-true method is to begin meetings (especially one on one meetings) with what we would consider “small talk” to check-in with people in non-work-related conversations. Learn things about them that make them light up when they talk about it.  

Considering the fact that isolation in life and work is rapidly increasing and that the consequences are significant, all leaders should focus intently on strategies that can improve connectedness with the same energy and attention that they give to any other strategic pillar.  

References: 

Gianpiero Petriglieri, “How to Make Better Friends at Work,” MIT Sloan Management Review, Spring 2024. 

Viji Diane Kannan, Peter J. Veazie, “US Trends in Social Isolation, Social Engagement, and Companionship – nationally and by age, sex, race, ethnicity, family income, and work hours, 2003-2020,” SSM Population Health, December 25, 2022.  

Jon Clifton, “The Power of Work Friends,” Harvard Business Review, October 7, 2022. 

Leanne Italie, “Gallup: Just 2 in 10 U.S. Employees Have a Best Friend at Work,” AP, February 7, 2023. 

Jean-Emmanuel de Neve, “Work and Well-being: A Global Perspective.” Workplace Well-Being Committee.