Several years ago, my wife and I were living in Nashville with our youngest son. Our two older adult sons were also living in the same city. Our family would frequently go together on Friday nights to a local pizza establishment that was owned and operated by a multi-generational family from New York. On our first visit we began to notice that the family members seemed highly emotional and tense. They were constantly at each other’s throats while taking orders and baking their pies. A typical scene went like this: one person from the older generation would berate a younger family member openly about something that they did that was not adequate. The younger one would snap back with an insult of their own, and on and on it went. To my family, it was somewhat entertaining to experience, with our assumption being that it was an accepted cultural norm for their family to treat each other this way. To us it was “dinner and a show.”  

I remember observing that family and wondering to myself “How can they stand to work together.” Several months after we first visited, the restaurant unexpectedly closed, and our dinner show (and some good pizza) came to an end. Although we did not know for sure, we assumed that the constant tension of their relationships eventually caused too much stressful friction for them to continue. This kind of interaction is sometimes called relationship conflict and is described in Adam Grant’s book Think Again as something with destructive outcomes. According to Grant, this kind of conflict “gets personal and emotional, we become self-righteous preachers of our own views, spiteful prosecutors of the other side.” In contrast, Grant states that “task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought, preventing us from getting trapped in overconfidence cycles.”   

Task conflict is present when different ideas are brought to the table to amicably argue and consider. There is ample evidence that having a team with diversity of thought is valuable, although it takes considerable skill to manage. A historical example of task conflict being intentionally engineered by a leader is recounted in the book Team of Rivals by Doris Kearnes Goodwin in reference to the cabinet of Abraham Lincoln. Following Abraham Lincoln’s victory in the 1860 Republican convention over his rivals William Seward, Salmon Chase and Edward Bates, Lincoln eventually brought them all into his cabinet. It would have been far easier for Lincoln to only bring in his closest associates and cronies. But in Lincoln’s judgment, even though their differences were numerous, and conflict was inevitable, he needed respected leaders from different factions of his party to prevent a destructive feedback loop of advice. In his administration, Lincoln’s decisions were always the final word, but he prospered from the valuable insights that his diverse team offered. Many times, their perspectives were different from his own. 

The natural tendency for leaders, especially if they are new to an organization or to leadership, is to build a team that is strategically, temperamentally, generationally and in other ways like themselves. Creating this kind of team is comfortable for the leader but can lead to missed opportunities, communication barriers, unrecognized blind spots, and other problems. It is more strategic to resist natural tendencies and instead be intentional in embracing organizational structures that are intended to bring task conflict. It remains important to avoid relationship conflict in the process and keep a focus on the task or mission. But with a skillful hand at the wheel, that kind of harmony can be accomplished. 

Years after both Lincoln and Seward had died, Lincoln’s personal secretary John Hay observed about the two men’s relationship: “Lincoln had snatched away from Seward at Chicago [the Republican convention] the prize of a laborious lifetime, when it seemed within his grasp. Yet Seward was the first man named in his cabinet and the first who acknowledged [Lincoln’s] personal preeminence. . . There was no shadow of jealousy or doubt ever disturbed their mutual confidence and regard.” 

When skillfully managed, good working relationships with long-lasting benefits can result from teams that have diverse styles and perspectives.  

References 

Grant, A. (2021). Think Again (p. 80). Penguin Books.  

Goodwin, D. K. (2005). Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln (p. 775). Simon & Schuster.